Wednesday, January 25, 2006

funniest tshirts ever.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

mmmm vermin

i don't know if this is just because i took a food and sanitation class-
but when you work in a restaurant and a patron accidently knocks over a salt shaker and small insects come swarming out you shouldn't go ohhh formigas and casually swipe them away.

maybe thats just me. i don't know. the creatures in my condiments idea dont really get me hungry for the food you know?

so for now i think i'll be patronizing the cafe de kitchen a little more...

Sunday, January 22, 2006

search for yarn: update

apparently they only crochet here.


i bought thread and needles in the hopes of teaching myself to embroider and when i got home i realized i have no hoop. me crafting here is actually hopelessssssssss.

Friday, January 20, 2006

i went on a glorious vacation to maresias beach this past week.
because i'm too lazy to do an essay type deal...

the good:

* spent 5 solid days either sitting on the beach or by the pool doing a various assortment of reading, writing, taking pictures, playing with mateo, swimming in the ocean or pool or staring at hot men

* got a kickass tan

* i saw a real life sloth- they're cute!!

* made friends with a really cool girl from the hotel- hi simone!! and went to a luau. it was honestly one of the most beautiful experiences in my life. imagine sitting on a beautiful beach in brazil at night with a palm tree bonfire nearby and listening to cute brazilian boys play the guitar and sing songs you dont understand but couldnt care less because they still kick ass... mmmmmm

the bad:

* my nose is now peeling

* i was too busy lazing my ass around to actually really explore anything like i really wanted to

the ugly:

* i got either food poisoning or some horrific stomach bug when we went to the amazingly gorgeous ilhabela and subsequently spent the whole day NOT enjoying the scenery or going on the waterfall hike like i wanted but instead either regurgitating anything that touched my lips or avoiding horizontal activities in case my head fell off.
imagine swimming in the ocean to maybe cool your feverish body down and then realizing that your fettucini com manteca is going to be feeding the marine life in about oh... NOW. and then you turn around to hide your vomiting from the frolicking beach goers because really who wants to be known as that american girl who grossed up the water? ... and then a wave comes.

so thats whats going on right about now. everyones back at school and it kind of makes me wish i was there. and then i think of homework. and how its cold there. and how i'd have to get off my ass and actually like go places and work and pay for myself. and i shudder and hug anything nearby thats brazilian because THANK GOD I CAN STILL BE A PRINCESS AND SIT ON MY ASS AND MAKE NO CONTRIBUTION TO ANYTHING!!

whew. almost remembered i'm going to have to go back and get a JOB and go to SCHOOL and be RESPONSIBLE sometime soon. now i've got to go get a coconut drink or eat a mango or something quick...

Thursday, January 12, 2006

the search for yarn: part 1

does anybody in this country knit??

i mean i understand it's hot a lot of the time but there IS a winter ( it only gets to around 30 degrees but thats still cold ) and knitting IS a craft where it doesn't just have to be cold, and WHY can i not find yarn that's not acrylic or 5 million dollars??

i finally, ( after one huge scary overwhelming street and i think three malls? ) was ready to give up and go to a hardware store and whittle my own when we found a store that sold stuff. so i bought myself some shitty plastic ones that are a good enough size to start knitting with my ribbon-y yarn. honestly i wish i knew what this stuff was its really kick-ass- but it's made by this random company called sonho by pinguin. i looked up the website but it made me really mad because it didn't have any sort of info on the yarn they sell.

we went to 25 de marco ( that c is supposed to have one of those little dangly accents at the bottom but i don't know how to type it... ) the other day and oh. my. goodness...

it's this street in downtown sao paolo that is seriously PACKED with stores. imagine one day everyone who goes to go shopping in manhattan can ONLY shop within greenwich village so they ALL go. that's how many people were there. at one point we looked down a side street and you couldn't see the actual street because all you saw were heads and tshirts. the bead stores were GINORMOUS ( and kind of expensive- some stores you couldn't even buy from them unless you spent a minimum of 130R... which is like 65 american ) and there are rows and rows of vendors on the sidewalk ( sometimes they're even two deep ) and it was CHAOS. we didn't even go all the way down the street or into any of the side streets.

add to this a 90 degree weather day, forgetting to put on deoderant in the morning, not knowing the language so not knowing what the hell you're buying or what the people in the stores are asking you ( you know that game you play when you don't know too much of a language and someone is speaking at light speed? the one where you're like HEY! I JUST HEARD THE WORD 'AND'... OOH OOH THERE WENT 'TIME'! )

oh, and i almost forgot... EIGHT MILLION BRAZILIANS ALL TRYING TO SHOP IN THE SAME STREET. i don't know if you know about my slight claustrophobia but i definitely noticed the warning signs of a heart attack.

eventually i gave up and said, "hey street. as cool as your stuff is? and as much as i'd like to support your country's commerce? fuck this human salmon swim- i'm out."
well i didn't really say that but i felt like it.

so that was a bust. i bought ummm like three beads. for what you ask? i don't know. they were cheap and i felt the need to buy something. am i the only one who does that? you just REFUSE to leave without some sort of trophy?

i got my secret pal matches the other day! i am SUCH a dork i was so excited when i saw i had an e-mail from the person who has me. she seems really nice and i can't wait for this to get started. i think i intimidated her with my extreme nomad lifestyle right now... considering i have like 20 residences ; ) and my match should be really easy to buy for- she was very specific in what she likes and doesn't like so i don't have to worry too much.

okay there's this crazy lady over in the living room WHO IS POSITIVELY ON my back about me playing trivial pursuit. which considering i wasn't ALIVE for half of the events i think is going to be a liiiiiiittle unfair in terms of playing levels.

Monday, January 09, 2006

secret pal seven questionnaire!!

so i've joined in on this thing called the secret pal seven and it's this amazing amazing swapping dealie that i am SO PUMPED to join in on. so if you aren't my pal this is going to be really boring. sorry. suck it up. i'll write something interesting tomorrow. if i feel like it : P

and to my secret pal: let's be friends ; ) yes. i am cheesy like that. i'm 19, crazy all over the place and i'm really thankful i get to take part in this! some words i wrestled out of my friends that describe my style: eclectic * ethnic * simple * bohemian * sexy * casual * fun

1. i am not a yarn snob at all! in fact- i think the nicer yarns scare me a little bit because then i feel pressure to make something amazing with it! fully acrylic is cool to practice on but i like stuff with at least something else blended in. but those really pretty recycled sari yarns look kickass.

2. no to both spinning and crocheting.

3. storage? please define as i don't think such technique has ever been employed in my life... i like to think i work on a sort of, ordered chaos system. key words: i like to think

4. i taught myself last summer and have finished TWO scarves. i suck. so i'd classify myself as.... shitty beginner. yes i realize that wasnt one of the options but i figured it'd be better if i elaborated a little more.

5. i do not have a wish list. although now i really want to make one. so i might. soon.

6. mmmm vanilla. i also like tropical scents- like beachy or coconut-y ones.

7. unfortunately for my hips, i have a little bit more than A sweet tooth. so favorite candy? i dont know, there are so many!! i like things like chocolate covered almonds, coconut or dark chocolate. and fruity stuff ( just ixnay on the herrychay ) ...or if you want to keep me in the size i wear- i have this obsession with this asian rice cracker mix.... and i CANNOT find it.

8. scrapbooking and beading are the only other crafts i actually have done with some degree of skill- but i'm trying to teach myself bookbinding ( i bought a book to get instructions, now i need to go get supplies ), i want to try quilting when i get my sewing machine back from the states, and i have a feeling furniture reconstruction is going to be a big endeavor when i start attempting to live on my own on a SMALLLLLLLLLL budget when i move to georgia.

9. as long as i can learn the words and sing along to a song i'm pretty much happy. just NOT classical. otherwise i will HAPPILY listen to it and most likely jam out to it in the shower : ) i love finding out about new bands or singers.

10. i love bright tropical colors- hot pink, turquoise and bright orange are my favorites. close second: black and white ( and sometimes red ) together. i really dont like jewel tones- you know like emerald green and deep burgundy and- blech.

11. family situation= craziness. my parents are living in brazil with my precious baby brother, and i'm moving in with my beloved aunt in atlanta. no pets- my former cat now belongs to my bestest friend, sammy jane

12. scarves every once in a while ( although i probably won't need them much in atlanta right? ), mittens not really- i like having my fingers seperate thank you, and i dont know if ponchos are really my thang actually. shawls are cute though.

13. i really havent been knitting that long so i dont have favorite yarns. is that not like the most unhelpful answer ever?? okay here- i don't really think i like eyelash yarn.

14. did i just answer that? does eyelash yarn count? i don't know.

15. learning how to do something BESIDES knit and purl... so i guess my current compulsion is finding patterns that i can do that arent scarves but aren't going to make me cry in frustration

16. tote bags- cause its as easy as a scarf but a little more useful

17. haha a tote bag. good gracious i sound like a knitting asshole. i'm a lot more interesting! i swear!!

18. YES handmade gifts are the BEST- there is nothing better in the world than getting a gift that shows someone really thought about what you like- even if it's the tiniest thing ever. i'd much rather get a homemade card than some expensive thing that very obviously was one of those oh-shit-what-the-hell-do-i-get-her presents.

19. circular needles make me want to hide behind my mothers skirts ( if she wore skirts ) so STRAIGHT

20. mmm bamboo.

21. no yarn winder or swift. not at all. thats a loooong way off.

22. i taught myself to knit off a website and a really old needlecraft book my grandma had hanging around

23. well... considering i haven't been knitting long? i'd say a year?

24. favorite animated character... THE SNORKS OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM. and all those old cartoons- he man and she-ra! i have a he-man blanket that i cherish like an old friend. hmm i'm really actually a huge cartoon dork so there's a monstrous list.... but for now i'll add on the ninja turtles, belle from beauty and the beast and kita from atlantis aaaand i think that makes me look pretty dorky enough for now dontcha think? and i really love dolphins. but non cheesy dolphins. does that make sense?

25. my favorite holiday... i'm pretty fond of halloween, the thanksgiving food is nice, christmas is always fun, boo to new years, valentine's day makes me depressed, i dont eat eggs so easter isn't really appealing, ummm which ones did i miss? i mean really all holidays are cool in their own way. I CAN'T DECIDE. make me feel better about being painfully perpetually single if you want to pick one.

26. haha do shoes count? i'm in love with stars- like regular five pointed ones. and i really like zodiac signs and tarot cards and gypsies. oh and i really love the feel of places like spain, india, the amazon, the caribbean, the mediterranean- lush exotic beautiful places like that. i really like art- a la kurt halsey and fafinette. and i like photographs- like taking them, hanging them up, all that good stuff.

27. no knitting magazine subscriptions- i'm never really interested in more than half the patterns so i dont really bother anymore.

28. honestly- if my pal thinks there is some type of yarn, or a cool pattern, or a really good book ( besides stitch and bitch i'm working on that one ) or needles that would help- i would much rather take their oh so much better informed advice. i'm really simple actually.

29. i do want to eventually be able to use circulars, and i want to learn to do increases and decreases and yarn overs and all those common pattern techniques so i can move on from rectangles.

30. i am not a sock knitter at all. and i am actually a semi- hippie who loves being barefoot. so i dont know my sock measurements. and i dont see myself hunting for a tape measurer because well... i'm lazy.

31. october 6th

32. i am not allergic to anything

I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS!! i hope i'm not too much of a pain in the ass and i will hopefully learn a lot about knitting from you whoever you are secret pal o' mine : )

<3 laur

so my madre got close to drunk (you know when you're one drink away from being smashed?) the other night and tried to steal the sign off the manicurist's door.

and i just wanted to let the whole entire internet know that because it was one of the best nights i've had here. and plus it embarasses the hell out of her.

mateo just gave me a hug and deposited parmesean cheese all down my shirt and is now making me do "tents" which means hes going to suffocate me with a blanket and make racing car noises.

life is good.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

all she wants is the sperm

best show ever on animal planet: wild sex- femme fatale

here are some reasons why...
(oh and imagine an elderly caucasian male saying all the quotes)

polar bears
polar bears have sex for like 2 weeks straight. so to keep it up the males have a bone in their penis.
and they have sex so hard that the bone inside the bone BREAKS

talking about some little mouse creature called antiquinas or something
"he signed his own death warrant with sperm"
"he may be hard... but she's far from soft."

all the males DIE after the mating season. ALL OF THEM. drop dead. from too much sex.

talking about the praying mantis
"being eaten alive would put most males off sex..." have you spent time with college boys lately?
"the female begins to clean up. she's had sex... and supper." hahaha this ones just funny because she actually ate his EYE.

-they showed the female GNAWING on the males head. she fucking slurped up his eyeball like it was a gumball. and the little bugger was still alive and still climbed up on her, headless and all...

talking about a tarantula
"now, carrying his own fresh seed, he sets off on a date." just how i like my men. don't bring me flowers. i want FRESH SEED!
"now he feels around for her reproductive slit..." oh yeah baby, touch my reproductive slit...

and my absolute favorite: "all she wants is the sperm."

ohhhh. good times on animal planet.