Thursday, December 29, 2005

mateo tantrums are the best tantrums

best tantrum EVER today by my brother. we took him from the pool (that baby pool was FREEZING HOLY CRAP!) a little too early for his water loving tastes and he proceeded to throw the most spectacular fit i have ever seen. i was surprised his head didn't spin and he didn't spit up pea soup. but nevertheless it was a good one and i actually took notes for future reference. here they are.

mateo's glorious fit of extreme anger and baby- displeased- ness or how to clearly and dramatically show that you have been horrifically wronged

*
scream without stopping.
*more properly known as shrieking like a banshee. your motivation here is to amaze people by the amount of sound capable of being produced by a human being.
*learn to cry, scream, run and throw visual ninja stars at the offendors simultaneously...
*REALLY REALLY LOUD. mirrors should shatter and deaf people should cover their ears to make it stop.
*pick one line- make sure its really clear on WHAT is wrong right now. throw in how they should fix it maybe one or twice but other than that stick to the line. make it good and catchy too.
*hit your father in the face a lot.
*the floor is your stage. run on it with angry foot pounds of madness, throw yourself on it, kneel on it to ask the gods why you deserve such torment, all that good stuff.
*play to your audience. if they try to relocate from the show- follow them. running around them, throwing yourself on the floor in front of them (sort of like a human wailing doorstopper) and increase your volume when they approach your force field of noise, to make sure they are catching every moment of this.
*respond to nothing, you are in a place where you cannot be touched by bribery, threats or pleading. BE the temper tantrum- ohmmmm.
*when you are done, calmly eat your chicken nuggets and discuss the finer points of the backyardigans and their silly yet lovable random polka dotted animated antics with your sister like you didn't just spit fire at her pool seperating ass.


really- i wish i had video taped it. he just kept screaming "i want my pool back" "bring me back to my pool", in between cries of anguish that came from the fiery core of his babylicious SOUL. it was so.... FUNNY. i dont know why but when he cries about something it makes me laugh. maybe i'm evil. its entirely possible. but bottom line- that shit was funny. i had to start hiding my amusement because the devil growl of "STOP. LAUGHING." kind of scared me a little.

kay, night.

wait!
new crush
so i was watching this travel channel and theres this show where a guy goes to different countries and has to learn their traditional dance in a week and then perform in front of everyone without falling on his face and discracing their heritage. NO pressure at all. so while i was watching this show i realized the dancing man is a fox. and so i am currently deeply in crush with jamie aditya. oh goodness, hes HOT, AND adventurous AND has a sense of humor AND performs well under pressure, AND should be my own personal pretty little dancing fool. mmmmm. watch the show. you'll see.

okay really this time. i'm going to go dream about jamie. night.

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