Saturday, December 31, 2005

feliz ano nuevo!

new year's eve this year was surreal.

after we all went swimming (swimming on new years eve! ludicrous!) and ate dinner, we watched a show that had all these really good brasilian musicians/artists and now i wish i knew who they were so i could get their music... and then as it turned midnight, i stood on the balcony with my family watching fireworks over in the main part of the city. i was wearing a big floofy white blanket* and holding my camera to see if i could catch and good cityscapes/ fireworks shots (i think i got one) eating popcorn and coconut ice cream. (not together ew)

i was not alone on that balcony but i felt like i was. in a good way. and i feel like this year is going to be a good one for me. and if it has plans of not being a good one i'm going to beat it into submission and TURN it into a good one. i feel like i'm ready to work towards being on my own. for me, thats big.
and i don't think this is just one of those spontaneous new year's revelations thats expires around the second week of january. i've been feeling this way for a while. wish me luck.

coming tomorrow: a really interesting show i saw on discovery called wild sex: femme fatale. i will say no more than it was fascinating and horrifying at the same time.

*the reason i was wearing a blanket was because i had learned about 6 minutes before it was midnight that apparently, brazilians wear white on new years. and it was too cold to rock a white tee so i opted for the slightly less fashionable but a tad warmer blanket garment.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

mateo tantrums are the best tantrums

best tantrum EVER today by my brother. we took him from the pool (that baby pool was FREEZING HOLY CRAP!) a little too early for his water loving tastes and he proceeded to throw the most spectacular fit i have ever seen. i was surprised his head didn't spin and he didn't spit up pea soup. but nevertheless it was a good one and i actually took notes for future reference. here they are.

mateo's glorious fit of extreme anger and baby- displeased- ness or how to clearly and dramatically show that you have been horrifically wronged

scream without stopping.
*more properly known as shrieking like a banshee. your motivation here is to amaze people by the amount of sound capable of being produced by a human being.
*learn to cry, scream, run and throw visual ninja stars at the offendors simultaneously...
*REALLY REALLY LOUD. mirrors should shatter and deaf people should cover their ears to make it stop.
*pick one line- make sure its really clear on WHAT is wrong right now. throw in how they should fix it maybe one or twice but other than that stick to the line. make it good and catchy too.
*hit your father in the face a lot.
*the floor is your stage. run on it with angry foot pounds of madness, throw yourself on it, kneel on it to ask the gods why you deserve such torment, all that good stuff.
*play to your audience. if they try to relocate from the show- follow them. running around them, throwing yourself on the floor in front of them (sort of like a human wailing doorstopper) and increase your volume when they approach your force field of noise, to make sure they are catching every moment of this.
*respond to nothing, you are in a place where you cannot be touched by bribery, threats or pleading. BE the temper tantrum- ohmmmm.
*when you are done, calmly eat your chicken nuggets and discuss the finer points of the backyardigans and their silly yet lovable random polka dotted animated antics with your sister like you didn't just spit fire at her pool seperating ass.

really- i wish i had video taped it. he just kept screaming "i want my pool back" "bring me back to my pool", in between cries of anguish that came from the fiery core of his babylicious SOUL. it was so.... FUNNY. i dont know why but when he cries about something it makes me laugh. maybe i'm evil. its entirely possible. but bottom line- that shit was funny. i had to start hiding my amusement because the devil growl of "STOP. LAUGHING." kind of scared me a little.

kay, night.

new crush
so i was watching this travel channel and theres this show where a guy goes to different countries and has to learn their traditional dance in a week and then perform in front of everyone without falling on his face and discracing their heritage. NO pressure at all. so while i was watching this show i realized the dancing man is a fox. and so i am currently deeply in crush with jamie aditya. oh goodness, hes HOT, AND adventurous AND has a sense of humor AND performs well under pressure, AND should be my own personal pretty little dancing fool. mmmmm. watch the show. you'll see.

okay really this time. i'm going to go dream about jamie. night.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

neanderthals and international iron chef: special ingredient chicken

if this doesnt convince you i am secretly insane i don't know what will...

WARNING: this is going to require you to really concentrate on being insane for a while, (stay if you like. its fun) in order to follow my thinking.

i was attempting some non-shitty-scarf knitting and i realized i kind of do it wrong. like i dont hold the needles all correctly or whatever. and then i thought if i ever knitted in front of someone who was better than me they'd probably be all like,
"hey lauren you knit really wrong."
and i'd get defensive and be like,
"hey better knitter shut the hell up because i'm learning."

and then i thought how people these days are all accepting of certain things people do differently. but yet we still fight about stupid shit, like who owns land or which God is better. (which pisses me off- how the HELL, haha funny pun, do YOU know better than me? i didn't see an certificate of authenticy stamped on your behind when you popped out now did i? so cut the holier than thous and get over yourself. until someone can give me documentation that God gives them blue ribbon in the religion category, they don't deserve to be an asshole about it.)

and i thought- why dont we fight over fun stuff? like why don't we say 'hey my language has a cooler word for peanut' or something. (personally i think spanish kind of dominates for peanut- not that i'm biased or anything... but really. cacahuete? admit it bitch, you can't top that.)

but then i thought, really language itself is a bunch of dumb shit some guys a long long time ago came up with, probably when we were all still really really hairy, (well some of us still are but for then it was sexy to lick fur or something..... ew dirty mind i don't mean like that! well wait i have a dirty mind because i definitely thought of that too. i'm leaving this in. okay.)

so a bunch of neanderthals took a break from dragging their girlfriends by their hair and riding around on mastadons ("yo son i'm rollin on double sabertooths- HOLLA") and sat around and pointed at things and went,
"Unghhh. Wah-ter."
and another one thought, "Damn, that's a good one. I've got to show up Grunt..."
("Shit what do i add?!? What do i add?")
"Gua. Ah-gua."
and different languages were born.
(by the way this is entirely scientific. national geographic and the history channel ain't got nothin' on me... i hate the word ain't oh i shuddered writing it yes i did.)

so the point is why don't we fight over which of our words are better? or like who prepares chicken in a tastier manner? FUCK war- i say we have a big chicken-off iron chef style. so like USA brings some slammin fried chicken...

okay i've got nothing else. ummm what else is typical of countries? i don't really know. i just eat it and call it yummy. look its just an example. back off.

i had more ideas but then i got distracted online and forgot them. my point is if we're going to be stupid and fight it should at least be entertaining.

and i'm all for killing little chicken soldiers instead of our real ones. i can admit it, i secretly really dislike chickens the animal. they're assholes. i know. i've met some... real douchebags those chickens. but what can i say? they taste oh-so-scrumptious.

so i think there was more but i'm ceasing to care and i'm sure you did a little while ago.

Monday, December 26, 2005

what i think so far

so i'm here!


i really don't know what to write. i haven't really been outside much. i feel like rapunzel to be honest. i can't go out unless its a big expedition with the whole family and then i cant even roll down the windows, walk around or even speak english. i get driven practically TO the door of places and someone guides me to the door. its kind of cool in a "i feel like a princess" sort of way but a tad stifling at the same time. i have a feeling pretty soon its going to get old. i saw a wall the other day that was graffitied with the phrase "city of fear" and i think that sums it up. theres always somewhere or something that is so dangerous you shouldn't even THINK of doing it. which is sad because it would be awesome to be able to explore.

but the apartment is gorgeous. so if you're going to be a caged bird the cage might as well be swanky huh?

brazil itself is gorgeous. its like this crazy mix of raw exotic i don't know earth mixed with gritty city. its hard to describe.

and its SO weird not speaking portuguese. its especially weird because i can sort of understand some words if i read them or someone speaks really slowly but its so close and yet so far from spanish that it confuses me. i keep trying to fit meanings with english or a pronunciation with spanish and end up horribly off. so far i've been sticking with sim, nao ciao ciao and obrigado haha cause those are easy enough.

but going to bed. i miss everyone i said i would miss more than i thought i would.

plane post from 12.23/ 12.24

so i'm sitting on an american airlines flight almost to brazil and i've already watched all the CSI episodes they have, worn out my playstation batteries, and finished reading my book. there's too much turbulence to play snood properly, so typing is the next best thing i can do on my laptop. hopefully i won't pop off any more keys from this piece of crap. i'm going to include the songs i'm listening to as they change cause its fun and you want to know. shutup. humor me. i'm bored.

song: gone going- black eyed peas

hmm looks like we're currently flying over venezuela- caracas it says on the little mini map diorama thing. i feel like a dirty traveler and i'm sure i look like some beast from the amazon. i need a shower and a good meal like nobody's business. 4 hours to go before i can introduce my greasy, sleep deprived face to brazil.

but i keep reminding myself its okay because it's almost christmas and i'll get there soon enough! my plan for christmas day includes eating a huge breakfast as per family tradition then opening stuff and this year i'm going to either take a really nice long soak in my jacuzzi tub (be jealous because really that's absolutely my intention) or a leisurely swim. maybe both.

song: hands down- dashboard confessional

what the fuck? is this plane climbing up and down mountains? i have to pee slightly badly but this plane is so huge i don't know where the thing is and i don't want to look like an idiot wandering the dark aisles looking for it. it doesnt help that we're bouncing around...
wow. this is going to be really long and irrational i can tell already. i apologize in advance... i'll try and bold parts that are actually useful in life whichever ones pop up. what was that random fact i learned today? damn i told myself to remember it too! maybe it'll come to me later. it was a good one too. like one of those semi useful things that actually happens not like those stupid snapple facts.

song: harder to breathe- maroon 5

oh. apparently the bathroom is approximately one seat in front of me. i'm still too lazy to get up and use it.
there was pasta for dinner (they DO still serve dinner hallelujah or i would have probably eaten the baby in the seat next to me to ensure my survival through the flight) and it was actually really good- i have a sick weakness for airplane lasagna i do NOT know why. its SO DAMN GOOD! they should sell it in supermarkets. i'd buy it.

song: drops of jupiter- train

i was being a smart ass but apparently we really *are* flying over mountains. again, this is all based on a little computer animated plane that shows on my tv monitor. its 5:30 there, 2:30 in miami, we have 4 and a half hours left of flight time, we're cruising along at a 11277 meter altitude, well not really cruising- we're gunning around 857 km/hr... what other random ass facts did you want to know. oh? you're really not particularly interested? fine.

song: jesus walks- kanye west

i think the stewardesses and stewards (what the hell do you call them?) thought i was brazilian at first because they kept talking to me in portuguese and gave me some little slip that is entirely in portuguese. so far i have deciphered its got something to do with my carry on luggage. i think i have to claim it or something like with checked baggage really i have no idea, i should just ask for an english one but thats far too easy.

song: i think we're alone now- tiffany (i'm not picking these by the way, this is purely shuffle magic)

its kind of annoying how USELESS my passport was. the lady at the gate glanced at it ONCE. if its such a pain in the ass to get it should be a more integral part of my traveling experience. like just randomly ask to see it or SOMEthing so i feel like its at least a tiny bit necessary and not something some weirdo can print up on his dell and sneak in and out of countries with.

i'm not even over brazil yet. i have lost free reign of my leg muscles. i think they're back in the US where they dont have to stay still for decades. yep. and my ass has officially left.

song: i'm real- j.lo and ja rule

so i spent a lot of money on a playstation portable. its beautiful and i'm excited to be able to get a bunch of games and all to play with it but i am BROKE, WHY do i buy pretty little gadgets when i don't have expendable funds? cause i'm an asshole thats why. this is going to hurt when i want to buy pretty things from brasil and i cannot do so... OMG the person in front of me moved their chair totally back and i am now typing with my elbows. LANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASEEEEEEE. how are people sleeping? how do you sleep in a chair like its all comfy and snuggly? i am not capable of sleeping with my feet on the ground i don't know why. as long as i have room to put my feet up its all okay. I REMEMBERED THE FACT! the 's' sound is the most likely sound to be overheard when you're whispering. so if you dont want someone to over hear you then don't use the letter s.

song: a decade under the influence- taking back sunday

this turbulence is starting to flip me out. i'd much prefer it to stop. i'm going to stop looking at the screen in the hopes that maybe it'll slow down and i wont have a headache.

song: torture me- metric (quite fitting right about now)
song: get it together- midtown (that might be a sign)

the urge to use the bathroom has withered away which is good. my legs and behind have ceased to participate in that whole blood circulation thing which is not so good. i'm jealous of the guy sitting next to me cause he's sleeping and i'm so not. ooooh we're passing over the amazonas soon. oh amazon how i long to explore thee and sleep in treehouses and make friends with toucans and monkeys... honestly i told the padres thats all i wanted for christmas. i was like just pay for me to visit the amazon and i will be happy. but last time i talked to my mom she said that they bought me presents. so i'm guessing my dream was shut down.

song: back to you (acoustic)- john mayer

took a snood break since the turbulence is gone.

song: dry spell- pepper

okay i'm going to have to turn of the computer now too because its betraying me piece of crap and telling me i all of a sudden only have half battery life when i JUST HAD 70 percent. i actually hate technology.

song: hey ya!- outkast (good song to leave on)

Sunday, December 11, 2005

i love mateo

so im sitting here in the midst of all my half packed crap listening to this amazing amazing song called breathe by anna nalick and looking at my pictures...

and not to be sappy but holy shit i seriously love a lot of people a LOT. like more than... law and order love. YES GUYS, THAT serious. i won't go into lovefests about everyone 'cause well, i'm lazy.

but mateo is definitely number one.

i was looking at pictures of my potato and he is one of the most beautiful children i have ever seen. and i'm not just saying that because i'm his big sister... he is. you're jealous. he should be pimping out baby gap scarves and paying for his lovely sister's slow painful crawl through college.

really though it's weird, for a little creature whose creation announcement caused me to run and slam the door and then bawl uncontrollably in the shower about my dethronement as only child/ reining family princess (he's lucky he was a boy or it REALLY wouldn't have been pretty), i really do love this little boy more than i thought was possible. i don't even want to think how besotted i might be whenever i decide to make one of my very own.

it's crazy though- kids are like those weird chia pet things. how do they grow before your eyes like that?!? sprinkle them with cheerios and apple juice and next thing you know they're talking and like having opinions and stuff. i feel like one day he was drinking that gross fake milk stuff from a bottle and the next day he's stealing my dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets like mom bought them for the TODDLER in the house or something.

i can't wait to be able to spend time with him again. he's the only one in my family who understands the true beauty of burping really loud and then laughing like a maniac. i know that we're going to be best friends me and that boy. i'm sure i'll drive him nuts being a second mom- i'll try to be the cool sister type, even though i'm not really going to buy him and his friends beer for their 8th grade dances. but i figure life is so much more fun when my mom thinks that was serious...

but i do hope i can teach him some useful things and that i don't end up one of those family members he hates going to visit because i make him watch the boring educational shows and talk about what colleges he's thinking about while he's still a freshman...

oh well i still have time before he's worried about the booze and boobs- so for now i'll worry about perfecting the flying superman game and keeping him away from my damn stegosaurus shaped nuggets.

i've got to admit that his glasses beat the pants off mine...

Monday, December 05, 2005


i love my roommates. sometimes you would think we could not be more different, in all aspects- sizes, looks, ethnicities, backgrounds, tastes in music, fashion sense (or lack thereof on my part), boys, food preferences (ew kristin, macaroni and cheese and tuna were NOT meant to cohabitate)... but really i honestly wouldn't want to live with anyone else.

from crying over stupid boys, more than enough homework, pain in the ass parents, or too short haircuts;
screaming over the blue screen of death and other computer problems, the perpetually dirty bathrooms, or boys not giving us enough attention;
fighting over the TV channels or music selections, my clothes being all over the floor, who gets to sit on kristin's bed (oh it's never kristin);
playing guess who's calling cassie, how long is it going to take kristin to scream at cassie for gyrating her belly on her, or which body part did lauren just crack;
laughing about adult swim cartoons, kristin is a lesbian jokes, cassie trying to get onto her huge ass bed, everything and anything.

yeah we have our great nights drinking and clubbing and partying and all that but its really the little parts that i'm going to miss the most. because there arent enough words to explain how great it is to wake up to cassie trying to get me to health, or kristin's 1 million decibel phone alarms. or how much i love falling asleep to our naming of our boyfriend pillows for the night (right now i think johnny depp is dominating in my bed...), or cassie screaming at demo, which we've learned to actually enjoy at times.

no alcohol needed in this room (although its still a welcome visitor)- we do the stupidest things just for the hell of it- we've even inspired a game of "guess if it's kristin or lauren laughing" in our suite.

sometimes people pick people who they get along with well with to live with- i picked two people who i love more than anything. and even though i won't get to be with them through all the lunch trips and late night munchies- i'll be there for all the important parts and i'll love them like all hell.

besides i'm going to have to leave some of my stuff in the room so i'll see them again eventually.